I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
