Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
