No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
