I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
