Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
