I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
