Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I touched a dick in church today
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
