college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
