By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
