it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
