I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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