I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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