i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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