Are we in a gay sports bar?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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