If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
