She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You need Xanax blowdarts
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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