I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I want to fling myself into the sun
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
