I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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