my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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