Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
