I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
