i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
