a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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