Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
