just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
