the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
