Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
