i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
