What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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