one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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