Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
