Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
