and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
