he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
