I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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