remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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