Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
