Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
