I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
