I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What drink are we having for lunch?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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