just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
