How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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