What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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