So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
