It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
