ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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