dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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