"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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