I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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