You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
