living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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