Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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