I never want to see another naked old woman again.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
