Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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